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Breaking up with cancer

January 22, 2017
It was two in the morning and I couldn’t get to sleep. I had this rush of unexplainable energy tht said, “There is no way you’re going to sleep.” So I did something I have never done. I just got up, went to the fridge, and had a beer. I sat down and sipped and nimbled on a marijuana edible to ride the moment out. I thought about how I felt kinda edgy, and had a hunger for a stage buzz, and felt a gap of time speading out before me that I had to fill with quality or some type of earning to keep me going, Sometimes that feels liie an emptiness if I can;t fillo it with what I want, usually some type of paying gig.
Anyway, I realized where the energy was coming from: it was the call to life I’ve been struggling to see and experiernce and struggled to achieve after having cancer twice and chemo three times in a period of less than a couple years.
Now cancer was gone.
It’s liie breaking up with an insecure person, who is always emotionally draining you in a relationship becvause you can never fiolo the void in them–a belief in themselves, a lack of confidence, or they way they refuse to let some crippling part of their past go like it’s some teddy bear.
So I broke up with cancer.
I have my life back.
The first and second time I had cancer I thought, stay humble, never say you’re cured, don’t get cocky.
Now, there’s no way I want to be humble or even acknowledge cancer’s possible appearance–all I want is life every second without the presence of cancer putting its gray finger over my lense so I can’t see everything.
We’re never going to see each other again.

 

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