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The rope in the darkness

August 18, 2016

Reiss unplugged. For over six weeks I’ve had a feeding tube in my stomach. They removed it yesterday. It’s so exhausting and emotionally draining to be connected to something outside of yourself. I couldn’t roll over without some bee-sting like pain from wires, and have toi get flushed, fed, and experience leakage–it felt lie I was an American car.

Stomach2 stomach

I have to balance this out. For the past six weeks I have experienced a tremendous amount of darkness, mentally and physically, where I where I was in so much pain that even my subconscious seemed to be trying to criticize and erase my very spirit and personality, destroying me. I somehow crawled away from it. But people who have never been on this cusp just believe you have to think ahed, or about rainbows, or Snoopy dancing.They don;t know the weight of this darkness and pain. It’s not their fault.

How did I ge through this? Imagine like I said, crawling out of a burning building, but crawling and I found the place I went to was the feeling of home when my Mom and Dad were vibrant in the midst of life, and we were all kids and only formed by desires. That was a rpe I kept pulling on.That feeling od love and spirit because I couldn’t find a hook for my attitude. I keep crawling through the cinders. Sometimes my knees will raise and drop, sometimes I get tried, snarl, but I won’t let go of that rope. That’s what a lot of this came down too–and yes, the overwhelming financial and emotional goodness of others has made this possible, and I’m smart enough to cry.And I will rise in three weeks to perform on Comedy Day in San Francisco with something funny.

Well, now I have to Chumbawamba as tears strea down my face:.
“I get knocked down but I get up again. You’re never going to keep me down.”

Without tubes, I’m finally running under my own power

I got a solid grip on the rope–pull, pull, oh please, find it in me to pull! My knuckles scrap, but I think of home, and Mom and Dad, and the world they built for me was designed for a fall. I’m not letting go, I’m not letting go–it brings me back to you.

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