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How to win without a game face

July 2, 2016
I have to address what people think means “positive.” When you’re in the mezzanine between the world of the healthy and world of the sick, there are soulless predators everywhere trying to stop you from healing, whether they want you to doubt yourself, give up, feel sorry, get angry. And none of those emotions work. They pull you down. And whatever is around you that won’t make you strong is ignored, because you have to stay focused on the larger battle: the ultimate dream of yourself.
I was out in the ocean and this skinny, bald dork, kept weaving through the line-up,scamming many waves. And he couldn’t surf, but could catch waves. Like people who have no talent, but somehow use others to get what they want–yet, they lose because all the can do is consume. One thing about surfing, it puts you in a situatgiopn where you sometimes have to square off with somneone to get what you deserve, but what they want to take from you. Since they don’t have stoke and know you do, they try to get you as angry as them so you can’t be….cool. They can never be cool, they can never sing, they can never dance, they are stencils who can only trace others movements and try to pluck out the air bubbles and spare change in the gaps–gaps they try to create between you and them.
This dork paddles out near me and looks over. I flatly stare at him, then turn to see a wave. I see him paddle to my left, but I giver him a hard look, the same look I give to the cancer that doesn’t want me to make it to the next section. And he stops, knowing he’s not happening in my world. Nor will I ackinowledge him in any way.
I have a bigger battle ahead than him, and others like him.
I’m not one of them. They have beaten me many times. The thrive in work places. Thrive in groups. Thrive in committees. Thrive opn feeding off others–the boss who’s form of welfare is living off the labor of others through rules. Their rules. But they can’t stain me, I brush them off every time I stagger up, and find I’ve dev eloped another perception and strength I didn’t have before–and advance.
I close my eyes, they’re gone. They close their eyes. They’re still there. And I’m looking ahead, knowing each wave ahead will shape me, give me another option, give me a chance to have style and be, and be…cool.


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