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She makes me laugh, she makes me smile

June 26, 2016

Dealing with fighting cancer for the third time, I feel like I’m in a remake of Seventh Seal, and Death is mad because he lost twice. He’ll get me eventually. But he’s impatient. So he must be a type A.

But there is more to this…

As difficult as this is, I find by turning to the passions not the ideas, summons forth an overwhelming life force. It comes in odd ways. I was listening to the new Monkees album and there’s a song “She Makes me Laugh.”
And when Mickey Dolenz happily and joyfully and thankfully sings, “She makes me laugh. She makes me smile.” And the sixties pop feel powers through me like a rocket and I hold onto to it. And I find myself in a fantasy, being 17-seventeen again and I’m dancing with every woman I ever dated or had a crush on, and it’s our first date and we’ve fallen in love with each other for the first time. And all these women so better qualities in me and all I wanted to be. We were critical, dancing to that music of joy that calls to us, wants us to achieve, goes beyond politics into humanity, goes to the fist of fighting the right fight,.

And I’m free-form dancing among them, our arms are waving and the chorus keeps going, “She makes me laugh. She makes me smile.” And yeah, to be in love and be loved, to fight for that in a dance, and bring that into the moment. I see them dancing, beautiful, as they are laughing and smiling and I’m laughing and smiling and no cynic, nor critic, no form of death will take this spirit out. It forms a winding wind funnel, a core of energy, and tears streak down my face and I dance harder and say to what’s trying to kill me, “You will not take me, you will not take us, you will not take me.”
She makes me laugh she makes me smile—and I go to that, and want to bring that, and when I collapse in gratitude, I’m coiled, ready to fight for the embrace of that dance when you’re tuned into enraptured with what your dreams want you to become and being faitful to that first love, and there’s a power there,

I’ll take it to the dance floor, to the surf, to the stage, to the blank page, to a new day, and with clenched fists in boxing gloves I stride into the hospital to make sure I’m going to walk out again as inside me young Fred is dancing with all those women and we’re falling in love all over again.

They make me laugh, they make me smile.

I stand, naked and sweating in the heat of a cold sun, reaching beyond the moon to the universe for a fireball.

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