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AT&T celebrity golf tournament pro am– how the rich create a moat in the modern world

February 15, 2015

The AT&T Celebrity Tournament, where Condi Rice, who has to play between the men’s and women’s tees because she doesn’t know what gender she is. AT least Chevon named an oil tanker after her. And that ball in the sand trap could become a mushroom cloud of a double bogey.

As the rich make more money they usually become more paranoid because they’re afraid the people they’ve taken the money from might come after them. It’s easy to see who fired the shot at you when there’s smoke still coming from the rifle’s barrel. Well, the sad thing, the practice tees were available to the public, where they could sit in the stands and watch the pros and the celebs. They’re removed that. So the public has to stand three deep behind the ropes and follow the players. Too bad, Most who go are usually into the celebs. The guys into golf want to see the swings, Just another moat that passes for the creation of false exclusiveness.

A press guy: “We were trying to get pictures, and who is in the way? All these women with iPhones who are members of the country clubs or know someone, or are with the players, and they don’t belong there. And they’re in the luxury boxes and come down and then find they can’t walk on the courses because their high heels sink in the mud. They were out on the putting greens and poked tons of holes in it with their heels and they didn’t belong there in the first place.” Another moat.

I covered the event for KPIG radio and basically ripped on people. Larry The Cable guy is a lefty and a very bad golfer, when he steps up to the tee, the Met Life balloon runs in another direction. He’s so bad, he needs a fore caddy on the putting green. And Chris Berman is so bad, he doesn’t have Titlest on his cap, he has Mapquest as a sponsor. It was 80 degrees at Pebble, it was so hot the Bentley’s and the Lexuses migrated to high ground. Costner, McElroy weren’t there, then again, either was George Lopez. SO there was something to be grateful for. Then Ray Romano took up unfunny to a higher level in his place. Everyone Lovers Raymond–really, never met one of them. And I know the clubs in his bag don’t love him. Sometimes I think the less edges you have, and the more innocuous you can be guarantees a steady rise because there’s no friction. The MOnterey Peninsula COuntry CLub, which is a private club, is one of the courses, which replaced Poppy Hills. And the members and the staff clearly resent the public coming onto their course (If they could only have the prestige without the public!), I guess their one consolation is that for the rest of the year they can discriminate freely. I’m amused by how people think they’re so import if they BELONG to a club. You belong to your friends, your family. But no matter how long you BELONG to a club or ARE A MEMBER, if you stop paying your dues you’re out–and the people you played with don’t associate with you anymore. Their attitude is they’ll only talk to people who pay for the privilege of being around them. Man,  if I had to sit at a table with those people I’d be pulling my eyes out from their sockets before the second drink arrived! And Pebble was in great shape, the ground crew trimmed the hedge funds on the abutting property owner’s homes along the course. One guy was selling Valiums that were in the shape of Jim Nantz’s head.

“I worked the greens and the same people show up every year with hats or posters for the pros to sign and sell them on eBay<” said a volunteer. Another one said, “Everyone I’ve driven around is cranky and moody, you’re the first nice people I’ve had. I’m a realtor and these women find out and become nasty like I’m going to take their territory. And most of them got into real estate 20 years ago and only have high school educations and became realtors because they were housewives and bored, and now they walk around thinking they’re someone special> I mean, you can sell a million dollar house and make 30,000.” WHy she had to tell me she was a realtor is another issue.

Another guy: “I was an editor at the Pajorian Register, we won a Pulitzer. I had a staff of 13 people and it went down to five, then I left before they got rid of me,. I’m just doing newsletters now, and whatever I can pick up.” Yeah, there used to be golf writers with twenty years experience and they’re all gone! Before you’d get some good stories from the working press. Nothing.

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