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The kernel of life sparks overcoming the predators trying to make us give up our dreams

May 25, 2014

How I really feel:
Recently I got a $480 u-turn ticket by a jerk and soulless cop, but I’ll tell you what the after effects of fighting cancer has done to me.

I sit downstairs, and on the computer, play this schloocky tune called “So What?” by Ray Rush

The lyrics go, “Today’s only greatest lost tomorrow will mean nothing to you. So what? You got plenty of time.So what! It will mend and you can start all over again.”

The music summons up that kernel of soul cancer tried to extinguish in me. The same spark rejection during my writing and performing tried to extinguish. But I never let them put it out. I drew on that life, and the surf, a jokes, and making wine, and love of friends, and that world saved me and those people are stuck with themselves.

The chorus goes ooooh” So what if things go wrong. SO what it won’t be for long…SO what the future’s fine…”

Throw it at me, you cannot stop me. Take your fine, take you rejection, take your rudeness, it belongs to you.

So what? I rise to a new day of seconds while you lay in the push like a predator with only one movement and function. Stick your tongue out and catch your flies. I can find the joy in a stupid song you’ll never hear.

I feed on the dreams for others, and stay in the center of my burning kernel that saved me, laughing and crying and grateful at the same time.

I turn to the sun, for Australia, another book, get excited about seeing the original unedited Godzilla, pulling up to the driveway of my home and happy that Laurie and the dogs and cats are there (and I can protect them from the food chain and as I pet them their eyes can only see love and kindness), turning and paddling into a wave, and get inspired by a silly song that has a magic I might have never heard unless I lived to see this day and knowing that churning kernel of soul is the force that saved me and I run to it, tan myself in its ray, and breath it’s rushing fresh summer breeze laden with fresh-cut grass and the smell of barbecue…

“So what?”

Aaaaaaah goes my chorus

Oh how I can laugh and smile and cry at the same time beyond the moment while the predators lurk in the shade.

You can’t catch me, and the others like me. We’re beyond your jurisdiction joyful that we live to make a difference!!!

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