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People who never live up to who they say they are: how they do it

March 15, 2014

Before I had cancer, a friend of mine who is very well-read, an artist, who is married, and who I had known for well over ten years. We never hung, but got along. Anyway, his wife had cancer. And I showed up at the hospital to offer support. He was in the waiting room and was stunned to see me. He said, “Do you work here.” I said, “No. I know she’s sick so I came by to give you guys some support.” He said, “You’ve just restored my faith in humanity.” Anyway, after extending myself to give support to his wife, and offering my help whenever they needed it, she recovered and life went on.  He promised to set up a day to have dinner at his place. That never happened.

Anyway, I have cancer. And while I was doing my blog, and facebook entries, he offered support in his comments but never extended himself beyond that–not even a phone call. Then after I recovered from cancer, on facebook I got on a tear making fat jokes about New Jersey Govenor CHris Christie, who I also find completely reprehensible. And then he goes after me! Saying that after my cancer experience I clearly have missed developing an aspect of my humanity–I guess on his balancing sheet, and as a result, he announces he will never speak to me, and will block me from his facebook, etc.

I have thought about what he has done for a long time, along with a few other people, who have trailed away. What I’ve concluded is they have an incredibly and undeserved high opinion of their benevolent qualities, and have deluded themselves in the belief they will rise to an occasiona. but when face with that occasion, they somehow get out of it because of a higher value. In essence, they can’t face they aren’t the wonderful person they are, so they have to concoct one value judgment that finds you at fault.

And so, these people  read something else between the lines of these words: “I was there for you, but you weren’t there for me.”

I guess sometimes you don’t need a crucifix to frighten a vampire.

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