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Another excerpt from “Today Cancer, Tomorrow The World”

August 14, 2012

Another excerpt…

Early in the chemo treatment when I had hair

I’m sitting in the recliner at the Infusion clinic. Cycling through my third week of chemo. My eyes are closed and I’m listening to Traffic’s John Barleycorn album on headphones connected to my iPod. I listened to this album constantly as a seventeen-year-old Fred. He has to come to save me his record collection today. Aqualung by Jethro Tull is next. I keep my eyes shut and listen to “Glad” and let the song enter me, going back to how fresh and invigorating the music was when I first heard it. Within the tunes, I try to stay humble. Why stay humble? Because I’m feeling better. Cancer also beaches you. It’s your life run aground. And there you are mired with tubes and chemo. Then a lift happens that reminds you that’s there’s some YOU inside. A slight tidal shift of incoming strength uplifts your mired body—just slightly, like a light breeze, but it is a breeze of spring, fresh grass, barbecue, warm air. My impacted body feels some slight floatation. Not enough to move, but to shift and creak. And I have felt this sensation the last time I had cancer, so I know this means my strength is building, the grip of the Big C is slightly loosening.

My head nods to the beat, my feet move to side to side, I’m traveling in my recliner, powered by chemo fuel. I’m trying to think about how I got here, but the days are like trying to fold up a map that just won’t go back to its original shape. Wherever the hell I am now doesn’t matter, at least I know I’m not lost.

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