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Burnt out and why didn’t you call me

April 9, 2012

There’s a point where you get enough chemo dumped in your body, enough needles, enough blood drawn, enough chocolate energy drinks,enough suffering, and enough watching the suffering of others, where there is no desire to go back to the hospital. After finishing chemo I’m still walking away with an accumulation of 20 days of six hours of chemo poured into my body, and being sick for five months, which compared to some patients is day care. After I finished, and still unable to really tastes food, and being tired either from the chemo or low red blood cell count, when I ask nurses about when I’ll be able to taste and when the effects of chemo will let me go, I get tired of hearing from the hospital staff saying, ‘everybody’s different.” Well, when thousands upon thousands of people have received chemo, you’d think someone would have done some research on how people reacted to the treatment and then got over it. I’ll tell you why this is so. They put a dump truck of chemo in your body. Now, I’m not arguing that the chemo isn;t the way to treat the cancer, but the hospital or the oncologists are solely concerned with how this fights the cancer while you’re in the hospital, but they don’t seem to care much about how you suffer at home (the best they can do is give you brake pads: anti-nausea medicine), but once you’re out of there, the reaction to the meds is something they shrug off. ANd so there’s a point where after being sick a long time, suffering, that when the chemo is done and you leave I don’t ever want to walk into a hospital again. You get poked and prodded so many times. There’s just this resignation of leave me alone, I just want to get better without you.

One thing I hold against Dr. Sri Lanka, my female indian oncologist at the Stanford Cancer Center, is not once during my entire treatment did she ever call me at home to ask how I was doing. Why a physician doesn’t think that showing you care about the patient is a key part of them feeling better shows a lack of compassion on their part. Not having the time to do this is unacceptable to me. They have the time to find out how much they get paid for each person they treated–they have the time to check that out. Sure, a patient might give them crap, or babble on about nothing. Or, maybe if might make the doctor’s job more difficult knowing the person. But they’re job isn’t the issue. It’s the patient’s care. It shows they’re flawed as people. I guess the only way to ensure they call you is not to pay them.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Laureen permalink
    April 11, 2012 4:39 pm

    Fred..we care about you…even if your dang doctor doesn’t! 🙂

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