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Draw on your life to remember your strength to overcome the trials of The BIG C cures and pains of revelations

January 16, 2012

Throughout my ordeal on my cellular Trail of Tears through my cancer treatment, tears well up when I think of the people in my life. And I wondered why that was? And the next day I received an answer. But they were what I have done with my life. They defined my life. And so there’s the power. How can I strengthen that as a suit of armor? How can that be my boxing gloves when I got into the cancer ring? So, I set my iTunes to only play my favorite songs and I let them play and started going through old photographs of Mom and Dad, yearbook shots, a Varsity letter, sitting around the Christmas tree with brother and sisters and Mom and Dad and grandmother and the presents and the warmth,growing up in Freehold, Little League, dancing with Mom, having a beer with Dad after golf, being a journalist, standing in front of crowds at comedy day or waiting to go on a national TV performance, surfing uncrowded waves at Pleasure Point, the four novels I’ve written, and all these combine to give me an energy and a rising coiled force that even as I do it feel like they are banging the tumor with stick and containing it.

My body tingles at the base of my spine, and I’m smiling, bopping to the music, looking at the pictures and crying and laughing at the same time. Down, down you go. And up up I go, a super hero in my own Bizarro world. Big C, who the hell every gave you a title or a capital letter or a role in anyone’s life. Surf’s up you soulless mother fucker. The beat the love the memories the waves are taking you out. Down, down down you go. Round and round I go. Taking shots, crumbling, but like all I ever admired crawling up, triumphing when the world is counting you out, and rising.

If you have the Big C don’t let it take away the me in you.

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